Trail # 154 – Goldie Locks and the 2 Brother Bears

 Hares: Gay Ship Lollypop, The Udder Ho & Rocky Whore

First Timers: Crotch Rot, Just Matt

Analversaries: I’d Rather F My Sister(50), Just Kirk(7), Metro Ho (50), Penis Pen Pal (14), Red Foreskin (7), Split P*ssynality (84),

Returners: Dr. Strangelove, Gay Ship Lollypop, Golden Showers, Happy On His Knees, I Don’t Ride Bitch,  Just Linda, Just Lynne, Little Go Deep, Missing Link, Oral Warning, Red Foreskin, Rocky Whore, Tommy Knockers, Tupperware

Virgins: Too scared to show up!

Regardless of what I write in the is trash and whatever might have ‘happened” on trail, the most important thing to remember is that Rocky made me do it!

The VRE parking lot was the starting point and everyone tried their best to be on time for our evening of fun and games.  The weather was holding up, sign in was moving along and the late comers made it before I sent us away – except for Dr. Strangelove, whom I saw out of the corner of my eye as we hares took off. 

Being one of the Hares and writing the trash tends to leave plenty of paper space because I have no FN idea what happened to the other wankers.  All I know is that it was like Africa hot…and I’ve never been to Africa!

Once we were away from the pack I broke like the wind away from Rocky and GSL as they went to finish the front runners section.  I completed my timesaver back-check and took off to complete the back section of trail with the help of Rocky’s truck, which we conveniently hid in front of her house.

F that, “It’s not the heat, it the humidity” BS, humid or not it was just ball basting HOT!  All this heat got to me at some point and I missed my turn, which added another 3-4 blocks of sweltering delirium to deal with.  The pack had no clue about my error, until now; that’s called good Haring. 

With a great deal of effort and after sweating out a six pack I made it in to the finish as my fellow Hares were doing the same.  Excellent trail, completed with no one getting caught, well laid (hee, hee); damn near perfect…now where was the pack?????

We waited, changed cloths, GSL got naked and changes cloths, Rocky didn’t get naked but changed cloths (damn) and still no pack.  At this point there was some concern for their whereabouts since it was getting darker and the rain was getting closer.  Still no pack in sight; WTF?

FINALLY we saw a few wankers dragging their way to finish.  The FRB’s were making their way in: Rodeo F*ck, Mini Barbarino, Tupperware, Penis Pen Pal and the walkers.  And yes I did put Tuppy in with the FRB’s so remember that because you may never hear it again.

Eventually they all made it in, smiling, wet and happy (insert favorite female pick-up line here).  Our Own Vanna and Naval Jelly seemed to enjoy themselves, as did Ewe Sheep F*cker and his partner in crime Crotch Rot.  We even had Holy Mackrell and Lack O Nucki make it for a beer and some chips.  All-in-all everything worked well, just a little longer and hotter than expected, but it is the SH*T so what else would you expect?

Until next time,

On Out

Udder Ho.

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