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Trail #275: The Big Hare Trail: You must be six feet tall to hare this
trail!
Alexandria, VA (2007-10-02)
Hares: Hand2Hand, Holy F*ck, B$, The Udder Ho, OEWilly
Things did not bode well when I was chatting up B$ in the
parking lot prior to the run when he said they just put this trail
together last night, and when Udder showed up, he was asking what part
he was going to do, not to mention that one of the lead hares had a fish
hook coming out of her middle toe and had pictures to prove it. This
was the Big Hare Trail. A clever use of homonyms (I said homo) as they
wanted us to show up with big hair. OEWilly and Hand2Hand were locked
and loaded with their industrial size AquaNet can, and Udder Ho thought
the big hair was down there ifyouknowwhatimean…AHHB showed up with a
dead poodle on his head. The newly
resignedhercommissiononceamarinealwaysamarine Knee Deep came as
CherryPoppins, decked out in cammo skirt to boot. She was also
administering Cherries liberally and professionally at the beer check.
GayAssTrix came in some mullet contraption with
tightywhitey1980stennisshorts. Buckwheat's cousin Farina (or was
that Stymie) came out and sported her Ben Wallace fro, for which she won
the prize…wait for it…a gift certificate for Hair Cuttery. The
50yr old Slip Knot just showed up with his regular hair. Split Puss
didn't have the big hair, but she was sporting some freak-nik flower
power top that had paisley flowers on the sleeves. Where was she two
weeks ago? So the lovely Socket enforced her sign in. She's good.
Beer was flowing and we had a couple of virgos with some visitors.
Skipper brought not one but two virgins. We had UptheEh and another
Canuck from Winnipeg. (**FACTOID ALERT***Did you know that Milne named
Winnie the Pooh after Winnipeg?), Mr. Exciting or is that Excrement
hailing from Fallujah, the most beautiful ManHole I've ever seen
hailing from Portland Organ (previously SirWalters), The incredible Mr.
Bean (Indonesia?), and last but not least one of my favoriteist
traveling hasher Ghost Rider visiting from his new duty station
Marietta, Ga. Dixie Queen reared his ugly head. I haven't seen him
since his 4th of july camp out.
So on to trail. Yes Virginia there is a santa claus, and I did not
shortcut. Trail went north out of the parking lot to an immediate split
for the walkers. This is where I had Riding the Tube and her buddy
PaiGow almost convinced that I was on the walkers trail. The runners
went across the street. Herpes had her little pooch snowball or
something, that almost didn't make it across the street when it went
back to play chicken with a huge fire engine. I wish I was hit by a
fire engine, cause GayAssTrix flipped me the moon. Arrrgh! The pack
got puzzled by both intersections and check backs. They kept us
together. For some intersections, the pack was spread to the four
winds, eventually after playing frogger over heavily traversed roads, we
made it into some woods. Then we popped into a neighborhood where we hit
a lot of hard ball. We eventually came to the beer check which happened
to be a hash house. Topher lived there. He joined us afterward. Cold
beer was dispensed, but more interestingly, Knee Deep was passing out
grain-laced maraschino cherries like they were tic-tacs. After this
things got hazy, because the pack had really split up. And I set off
essentially by myself. We were running up Beulah and we came across a
big ass parking deck that Mt Vernon finished up at this summer. I ran
into Gladiater who was hovering around the lot b/c he heard some
whistles (maybe Roll-on's Horn) and he came into the finish. He
says he stayed for the whole circle, but I never saw him. I ran into
HolyF and Cornhole and we chatted up with beer bitch and headed up to
the top of the structure to Finish. Not to say it was a long way up the
parking structure, but it took Holy and Udder 26 minutes to get to the
finish. We hung around finish waiting for the others to show up.
Cornhole had his collapsible trash can, and he brought out a recycle
container too. This man is on his game. Plastic cups and recycling
al-loo-mini-um. He then broke out the previously opened bags of snacks
and then the new stuff. Halfway during circle, we ran out of beer. I
thought I heard AHHB say he had some beer in his trunk at the finish,
but he left without breaking it out. So Cornhole beat feet to get more
beer, and came back with a twelver of cold sam adams.
The Apres was at the former Damon's, which is now called
Lucky's. this is a pretty big sports bar and has video games and a
cool air hockey table. There were black lights around the table, and
Bad Dog was taking all comers. He was sweating more after playing air
hockey than he does lumbering on trail. Skipper played a couple of
games with her virgin, and in the black light, you could see that Kane
wrote On-In on the back of her shorts. Thanks, Kane. Meanwhile,
Permanently Screwed had some prestidigital parlor tricks with a book of
matches.
That's enough diatribe for one week. How bout some of you other
clowns break out your bics and start penning some godawful lies about
your compatriots?
On Out,
14kt
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