Hash Trash - Trail #330 (10.14.08)

The “The Help Us DeFlower Just Mary Trail” Trail

Date: 10/14/08

Location: Chantilly

Hares: Fire In the Cornhole, Just Mary

Hashit Holder: Just Kelly

Virgins: none?  Don’t know…

Visitors: Just John (from Nashville), Filthy Habits (from China), Oops (from Hawaii)

Returners: Apparently no one returned to us this night…  Oh well – f*ck ‘em!

Anal-versaries: Coppus Interrutpus (21), Motor Mouth (28), Screws on First (70), Watergate (98), Wookin’ Pa’ Nub (154)

FRB: Hermie FBI: Hermie DFL: Hermie (actually it was 14 “I wanna get a good run in cause I’m running the Marine Corp Marathon in 2 weeks” K)

Getting to trail was a nightmare. It took forever to f*cking find the f*cking start location with the f*cking sh*tty a$$ f*cking directions.  Apparently, in the daylight the location was easily spotted, not so much in the dark.  I drove around the same creepy little section of Chantilly forever before I was finally guided in by AHHB who was in the same boat as I was.  Except a little bit worse - he was bringing flour for the lame-a$$, rat-eating, monkey sh*t sniffing asstrout who gave us those sh*tty f*cking directions in the first place! Not only does Cornhole bite the big sh*tpile of direction-giving c*cksuckiness, he also can’t bring his own damn FLOUR!

After that, however, trail was delightfully relaxing.  I relaxed in my handy camp chair and drank a couple of sparks.  The pack, sadly, did not have nearly as relaxing time as I did.  I watched them leave the start then saw several of them return (She Spankered Me One, Nuclear Jism, some other dude), grab a beer and run back out on walkers.  Shortly thereafter another group returned to start (Holy F*ck, Filthy Habits, Corn on the Cock, Just Mark, Wookin’ Pa’ Nub, Stick it in my Socket).  They also grabbed some beers and then took off on walkers.  I’m not sure if anyone actually did all of runners.  I’m not sure if anyone drank any beer check beer or if they all just returned to start and drank there on the flyby.  I know the runner didn’t drink at the beer check because P0rn to Fail led them astray causing them to miss the beer check entirely.  

14K ended up 3.5 miles off trail but refused a ride back for the above mentioned r*ce training.  He eventually waddled in no worse for wear – he was in pretty bad shape to begin with, though.

The following violations were recorded:

P0rn for showing off his shiny new balls and for impersonating Rocky Wh0re.

Oops for leaving the scene of the crime (he proposed to his girlfriend and then abandoned her).

Motormouth and Hermie for butt sex during trail.

Vanna for loving cheese flavored balls.

Motormouth for ignoring the Hooter’s girls and concentrating on the heifers of women’s professional bowling. Yep, Bowling.

Permanently Screwed for not being able to spell F I N I S H.  Pretty bad considering the lack of beer on trail.

Fudd for laying hare’s arrows instead of pack arrows.

Cornhole for showing up with no flour.

Just Mary for losing her chalk on trail.

The hares for both being caught by Fudd.

14K because his daughter said she wants a new daddy that doesn’t fart so much.

Snake Charmer for lesbian sex on trail.  No – she wasn’t really violated for that (that’s acceptable hash behavior).  She was violated because she wouldn’t re-enact it for the circle.

The hashit was passed to Udder although Cornhole rightly won it.  He refused it when Nub mistakenly called him Corn on the Cock instead of Fire in the Cornhole.  We were calling for trial by down-down when Udder stepped in and took it.  Peace was restored and we decided to name Just Mary.

At the beginning of the naming, Our Own Vanna tried to read a dissertation that she had written about Just Mary.  It was eight pages long and had diagrams.  She was a little long-winded, though so the pack picked out the interesting bits and ignored the rest.  Interesting things we learned about Just Mary: she drinks like a fish – hard liquor mostly, she likes cops (I mean REALLY likes them) and will do anything (I mean ANYTHING) to get out of a ticket, she tends to puke after drinking a lot, she works in the construction industry, she hates the color pink.  If you’d like the dissertation, we’ll send Vanna over to your house with it.

Name nominations were as follows (neatly written this week!  Thanks, U HO):

Violently Displaying Oral Talent (VDOT)

Wet Burp

Penelope Pukestop

Lick Her When She’s Bloody

Pink Panther Pu$$y Puke

Can We Settle This With Sex?

Just Blow Me Don’t You Know

Lick Her Pink

Clark C*nt

Holster Sniffer

Rub a Dub Dub I Puked Over Nub

Party til You’re Sea Sick

Pretty Pink Princess

A$$hole Jackhammer

Officer Down

Two Dogs F*cking

Floats Like a Butterfly, F*cks Like a Bee

But none of those were good enough.

Henceforth and forevermore, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls – f*ck them), Just Mary will be known as Nail Me, Don’t Jail Me.

See you in two hours!

Lube Me Up Scotty