What day is today?  A hashing day, I get it.  Everyday is a hashing day.  You know what else today is?  Crazy.  It's also Naked Day, or something.  It's also the day I only got one potty break at work and had 1 minute and 45 seconds to eat my lunch.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it.  So, based on my current state of mind, methinks I'll write up a quick and dirty hash trash.

 

Trail #346, Herndon, VA - The trail who must not be named, or maybe it was the trail who changed it's name.  Or it's pants.  Either way.

 

It was colder than a witch's titty outside, and a few handfuls of wankers (except me, I've only got one handful) congregated outside the back door, awaiting entry.  At least, that seemed to be the theme of the evening.  But no, really, that's where we started.  Some back alley wind-tunnel, drinking beer, and b*tching about the cold.  Perhaps that was just me.

 

Nub did the arctic, armless and leggless version of Father Abraham and sent the hares away- Poonskin Cap, Coppus Interruptus, Davy Crotch Itch, and my personal favorite 'Just' name - Pavonka Wonka.  They were good and toasty from making the shot-check delights before trail, which probably explains what happens next.

 

We 'head in' through the woods, and we're running and running, and maybe walking, and stumbling along, looking for flour and very small rocks. (They float!)  First thing we come to is a creek.  It's cold.  I don't want to go through it.  So, Snatchasnorous and I watch all the other wankers plow through the water crossing, end up on the other side, only to get lost no matter which direction they went.  So, to entertain ourselves in the interim, Snatchasnorous and I practiced our trapeze skills.  After the s*x on trail, we used large sticks to walk over logs, essentially crossing the creek unscathed. (This being a relative term, as s*x in the woods can really do a number on your tailbone)  To and fro, high and low we went.  Couldn't tell you anything else, because we were all lost in the woods.  Why were we lost?  Probably because the hares kept kicking the flour on their own checks, trying to confuse us.  All was forgiven, however, once we arrived at the shot check.  HOT SPIKED CIDER.  Oh, it was my favorite.  I was so cold, I poured the cider all over my body and...hey...you...wake up.  Quit fantasizing.  Right, so we kicked it at the shot check for a while enjoying the fruit of the distillery.  I don't really care what happened after that, because we all just wanted to get back to the cider at end circle.

 

While we continued to enjoy the taste sensation that was the cider, we violated each other for a while:

 

Porn to Fail - for his Michael Phelps impersonation.  Remember that creek I mentioned?  Yeah, he dove straight in, then headed back to start to change his soiled underoos and wait for the pack to come back.

 

Penis PenPal - his pedophelia (encouraged by Deep Shit) creeped a few wankers out, especially when he kept saying he wanted to "be inside her", or "in cider".  Either way, it's just gross.

 

Dixie Queen - for being the trampy show-off that he is, and flaunting his feminine figure all over the trampoline on trail.

 

Just Andrew - he's a bit short on cash, and tried to pay for trail with food stamps.  He didn't even offer sexual favors.  Epic fail.

 

Slowman - " it's not about quality, it's about color"  'Nuff said.

 

Fire in the Cornhole - ran the whole trail behind his dog, without a flashlight - and had to wait for the hares to catch up with him.  R*cist.

 

Coppus Interruptus - Lost on his own trail and looking for a bailout.  That proposition was rejected b/c he is not in the porn industry.

 

Hares - for giving kickbacks on their own trail.  everyone knows you're supposed to receive kickbacks.

 

Wankers - we had a social for not being tramps like Dixie.

 

Dixie - he couldn't find the back door.  Better luck next time.

 

Poon - she needed 2 buddies to form a threesome, just to lay the walkers.  Since when do you have to recruit for threesomes?

 

Slowman & Jizzercise 5 guys - for having s*x on trail.  copycats.

 

Jizz - for asking "is everybody in?" after the 5th person showed up.  Jizz, if you can't feel it when 5 guys are in....

 

Snatchasnorous - for telling me "i may have to insert it - I'm cold" followed by "I think we're done here".  What happened to ladies first?

 

Analversaries:

 

Nub - 169

Just Andrew - 7

Be Cuz He Can - 49

Moroccan Mole - 56

 

Okay, ladies and jellyspoons, now that I have checked this item off my list, I'm allowed another potty break.  And guess what?  I think I have to poop.

 

On-On to the Full Moon Hash tonight!

 

(Your stunt scribe and Lube impersonator) Cradle to the Dreidel

 

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.